I’ve spent adequate time alone to conclude that remaining true to myself and with myself is most important than playing a duplicated role among others and myself. However there are many individuals within this life whom lack authenticity. I’ve to came to learn that friendship acquires sincerity and consistency. I’ve upheld past friendships with others that were short lived and though the bond was dear between myself and a my friend, they were not sincere nor cared to become consistent. I’ve encountered by some tainted Love and affection. They loved the idea of who I am, but might I sport a colorful hairstyle or state my concerns of our friendship, quickly they’d run and hide. However I am wiser than to assume many people within this lifetime request of what they are prepared to care for, as well so many people within this lifetime lack the desire to be intentional. Throughout every trial I remained in grace even if angered to the degree that hell nor heaven had fury in comparison to my rage in being scorned. You know how the saying goes when you are gifted much is expected of you more so than the common human. I’ve been dedicated to servicing my purposes for over four years and though daily I am grieving what was or what I couldn’t swallow at once, I still find a way to keep in heart and Spirit that I have prevailed beyond circumstantial matters.
I have learned to nurture my gifts while remaining true to myself. As I obtain better resources and more resources I intentionally incorporate the new knowledge I’ve gained into my old crafts. Currently my Life is being polished and no longer cleaned. I remember when I first begun hand sculpting jewelry with clay I had amazing and unique ideas which I couldn’t wait to share. I attended a local craft store and purchased an affordable ten pound box of terracotta sculpting clay. I excitedly that day made my purchase and took public transit home eager to give my hand a try at jewelry design. I did not attend an art school, so I understood in being ignorant to the art would I become required to learn patience. I had no sculpting utensils to carve nor smooth the clay nor did I watch a film on how to sculpt. I trusted the timing which would take place. A sewing needle, pen and knife as well an old tin can were used to shape the clay and smooth it to my liking. After spending two or three hours working with the medium and allowing an additional day for drying time and painting I then gathered up the urge to share my completed amateur pieces with friends and family. Surprisingly I received many compliments, but my try at sculpting didn’t end on just one compliment, no! I became more knowledgeable along the way on how to properly handle medium textured clay and what jewelry designing with clay consisted of. With every redo and recreation did I share with the public anticipating their commentary.
I can not state just how many times I broke in two pieces of completed painted and varnished work just to then recreate the piece. I worked every day vigorously for a year sculpting clay and redoing older pieces of jewelry until I perfected my craft. Yet as I type at current I am anxious to give handmade jewelry a try again, there is so much more work to be done! The mindset of tenacity I upheld when designing is what has carried me through my journey of painting, drawing and dancing. My life within this very moment epitomizes what it means to make usage of what little scraps are left and to begin recreating those scraps and chipped pieces into a craft that is beautiful and worth the show. Sometimes a lot of equipment isn’t necessary to achieve or do more and while other times all that we have is our mind, an able body and heart to create. As I continue to perfect this mold I title my world I along the way have came across better resources and sturdier tools, eventually recreating, shaping and rebuilding my Life, polishing this Black Pearl which I am.
I accept the fact that I trod the path rarely if at all walked. Sometimes following your heart can lead you within a place where very few may follow their own therefore becoming desensitized humans sometimes even beasts whom do not know nor care to know what heart and Spirit felt feelings consist of. I’ve been told within the past to not try nor do. Little did they know not everyone has the option to not do or try. It is only rational I persist the journey in creating a better life for myself. I am not content when living a dissatisfying life. If I am to fail along the way in upholding wilt, must I learn to become content and not fret. To tell someone whom has little to not obtain more or advise another to not do while experiencing trial, is condemning a man for seeking food though his tummy growls. My tenacity has eventually prepared me a hot meal and cool beverage that I can now enjoy. I intend to eat, but most importantly eat well. When you are without you take it upon yourself to exit the box and attempt to do something different than before. All that we uphold is our will power to survive.